10/8/2025
i've been thinking about the entry on here titled "the spiral of wanting more" and maybe it's half because i kept the tab open so that i can read it when i open my browser or need to come back to it
but i think (and i hope this doesn't sound like i don't value my friendships or the people around me, though it might) that it sort of applies to human connection too, at least for me
i've been single for a few years, and it's for the best because i get to exist for myself for now, but sometimes i get really lonely! and then i start overexamining every interaction as if it's more or as if it could be
i reconnected with an old friend recently (who i cherish for more than what he could potentially be, of course)
i just think it's impossible to exist without ever having a connection like that with someone - at least, to me - and i miss the feeling of it all
thanks4reading