5/14/2025
heya!
i've been reading all of the posts recently about the act of journaling on bearblog. they've been interesting, i think, except they've made me a little unsure about continuing this? stick with me. i just mean that i started this project on one of my darkest days, thinking of what i would do in the future, and mourning the people i knew. i haven't really had an outlet or people to talk to about that. in fact, in my two or three year hiatus from being online, i didn't talk to anyone at all. this time is a blur, probably spent just being miserable. sometimes that's just the truth of how things are, and i don't really know how to fix that for myself. i certainly have no irl friends that aren't people who only reach out when they remember to. it isn't the same as having friends, not even close, but i would be completely cut off from everyone if i didn't have this. everyone's reasons for being here are completely different but for myself, it was a combination of realizing this and just. wanting something where i could let all of my feelings out after years of keeping everything unhealthily bottled in.
except there's still some distance, so it's not a perfect method either. i've thought about making a bluesky account and attaching it to my writing here and having a more substantial way to meet or speak to people. but then i'll lose focus of what i originally meant to do, same as i mentioned a few days ago. this isn't what they mean in all of those posts i've seen, but this is still my reply to them. it's impossible to consider all of the circumstances for why people may do something, so what is the middle ground between that and this? i'm just rambling, really. that's my take on everything, if you're able to make sense of all of this. i can't right now because i'm getting too emotional. i may have to come back to it in the morning with fresh eyes.
goodnight & see you tomorrow !