7/15/2025
i usually use this blog to vent about the personal happenings in my life and how they affect me and its about the only chance that i can be selfish and not have to make any compromises for how something has bothered me the way that i'm forced to be in irl
and maybe that's an egotistical way of looking at it (as in how dare i not get put first) but i mean it rather in the way that i don't typically get to share how i'm feeling or to be upset before i'm meant to be appeasing people or telling my mom that really it's okay (it isn't) and i know i'm not alone in this of course
but lately i've been witness to all of this drama that's going on in this online space that i'm in and i don't want to explain it because it's not my place but it's the result of cruelty directed at this one specific person (as it always is) and i wonder when we got so selfish? i wonder when it became acceptable to not take the consideration of someone else's circumstances (because maybe they're in my situation where the internet or places like bearblog are the only "safe space") and just disregard them so blatantly and push people to feeling the worst they possibly can and to gain some cruel satisfaction from that. and then i think about how i watched this documentary about this revenge porn website that existed as recently as ten years ago and how people have always been fascinated by the humiliation of others. when did everything become so disconnected?
and i've had to witness this person be torn down by people online who think that it's okay to push someone to their absolute worst or to push them to hurt themselves because of a mistake they've made that was publicized. and i just. really don't know how i feel about that?
a few years ago i was dealing with this personal crisis (maybe?) where i felt that i was wanting to be the victim so desperately and making my circumstances seem worse than they are (i don't know what i'd call this) but it made me hyperaware of how i act -- it's crazy when people can be so oblivious to not only how they treat themselves but others and i think these 2 things are connected
i hope that in the future, years from now, everyone involved in the situation can find some sort of peace