7/18/2025
there's been too much going on recently and it's making me feel much too on edge
last week i had to see my grandpa cry and go through a depressive episode, presumably because of the medication he's on, and my parents explained it away by saying that he was trying to guilt trip people
two days ago there was the thing with my sister in law's brother and they said the same thing
i'm not sure how to approach these things! and on top of that, i've been feeling sort of paranoid about my friend group and whether i truly fit in or if we should be friends at all, a feeling that came on too suddenly
my main 2 emotions at the moment are anger and then confusion and it's difficult to breathe and i've tried to ignore it or distract myself by imagining how moments of peace and quiet and being away from it all
the other coping mechanism is to spend money and now i am on the verge of asking someone for some? i'm less sure how to explain that but i feel like i need to own things
it's too much and i'm going to go crawl in bed and try to sleep 😒 see u tmr